Who are you mad at?

Are you mad at me? Really?

are you mad 1I walk into work, settle myself in, start the mundane routine for my weekly pounds. Twenty minutes in and BANG! Assistant manager walks out of the Managers’ office, slamming the door behind him.

Whatever happened in there could not have been pretty, but ‘whatever’, back to MY mundane…

“HAVE YOU FINISHED THAT REPORT YET!?!?!” Over my shoulder, coffee and cigarette breath on my collar…I’m a little stunned, it’s the assistant manager, shouting at me…yeah me.

I gathered my thoughts, he is not mad at me. “It’s Tuesday.” I said. “The report is not due until Thursday, but I can have it to you by lunchtime if you want?”

No response, he just walks away.

My colleague sitting next to me smirks. “What are laughing at?!?!?” I ask angrily….

And there we have it…Transference.

are you mad 2We actually learn this as children. We rarely notice it in ourselves as adults. Yet we do it quite a lot.

In the hypothetical story above, we don’t know what went on in that office. We do know that that the AM came out mad. We also know that for no reason other than what went on in that room, he transferred his anger onto me, and for no reason other than his transference, I transferred it onto my colleague.

It gets diluted along the way so apologies and understanding come easy further down the line, but let’s get to the root of the problem.

We all need to impress…

are you mad 3Whether it’s partners, parents or siblings in the early days, or bosses, peers and colleagues later on in life, the need to impress is always there. The disappointment that occurs when we don’t is also ever present.

It’s a routine behaviour which needs to be changed. It’s not impossible. Just look at the root causes within yourself and the triggers and basically… change them.

Angry because you’re late for work? Get up and out earlier?

Angry because someone is nagging you to get something done? Do it, without being told a second time.

Angry just because you got out on the wrong side of the bed? It’s your bed. Or maybe it isn’t.

Either way, if you’re not actually mad at me, don’t take it out on me or anyone else to that matter.